What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 00:07
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Steven Spielberg will introduce a ‘Jaws’ 50th anniversary special - CNN
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I write beautiful poetry .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Are you able to lie, even though you have Aspergers?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Mars Orbiter Captures Rare View of Ancient Volcano Poking Above the Clouds - Gizmodo
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
NASA’s CODEX Captures Unique Views of Sun’s Outer Atmosphere - NASA Science (.gov)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why is it rare for someone to despise both the Democrats and Republicans?
My life is so biszare .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Nice Hat, Loser - aftermath.site
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And i lived it daily.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The mystery rise of lung cancer in non-smokers - BBC
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She married twice! .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What emerging digital marketing tools should marketers watch?
She was in good health!
I waited trembling.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He resisted the act ,that day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It was going to be , some day.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
She wouldn,t have been !
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Comes on , in middle age.
One cannot live in the past .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Put me off passion for life!!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She found it foreign!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Was to survive, this bastard.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
When she asked me how she looked .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im still living with it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was 9 years of age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I will be 64.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was seconnd youngest,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She loved him until the end.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was scared of men, in general
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What did i know ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I said to her
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We all went to grammer schools
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
All the time i was locked up.
I think the readers, may guess!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We were not on the streets..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He knew the spot.
Would this be the day?
I was very sick at this time too.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But, we were locked up after school.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ive learnt so much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I don,t even have a pension.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My family never makes their pension either.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
But it wasn’t much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I have no regrets .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Who then, do I blame.?